Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. This morning is very gray a fall like. It seems the entire week has been like this. But just last week we had some really warm and sunny days, and it is awkward to think that those days are suddenly over. But it is September, and October is only few days away, so, maybe the summer weather was filling in for autumn being late?
Don't know...
Well, today I have to play catch up as I think about my class later. There's a quiz today, and while I feel very knowledgeable about what we've done and discussed in class, I am still worried since it is only ten questions. Not a large margin for error. There is also the fact that I know certain students have cheated for this quiz. When the teacher was out of the room, the glanced into his class book and saw thee test last week. Talk about academic dishonesty. I almost want to bring it up to the teacher but after a week already having past, I think statute of limitations for tattling has been exceeded. Hr might be suspicious of my motives, doing it just before we're about to take the quiz. I suppose I'll just keep quiet about it even though it feels so wrong to do so. 
I'm tired. I didn't give myself a lot of sleep last night. I was up trying to get things around for today and for Emily. I am finally giving away a charcoal portrait I've been finished with for a while.  That means there will be some extra money in bank this week. Sadly, it will probably get spent real fast. We're doing things pretty tight right now. We're not banking much savings and don't have much spending money after paying the bills. I am thankful that we have some savings still built up and I am trying real hard not to dip into it unless absolutely necessary. And we definitely have money set aside for God to use if he likes. 
But enough about money. The other day I was thinking about how we are polluting the planet with our trash and tried to apply it to thinking that all animals try to alter their habitat. I guess what makes a human's alterations so significant is the scale at which we change things. No other animal has changed it's surroundings and drastically and wide spread as human beings. Think about if bears were able to flatten miles and miles of forest and lay down think stone to prevent things from re-growing and then building huge skyscrapers over it. That's a bit ridiculous isn't it? 
On the train now. 
Okay, I know that God put us on earth to regulate and cAre for the animals and our environment, but do you think what we've done is what he had in mind? we're overpopulated and while some are overfed, others are underfed. We raise animals in cages where they can't even turn around only to slaughter them. What kind of life for that cow is that? We are cultivating that animal for only a specific purpose and only doing things to further that sole purpose. Feels a bit communistic to me. That would be like raising your child in an enclosed room where he could only read about math and all other things like hygiene and communication skills did not matter because he was being raised only to be someone's accountant. Well, that analogy is a stretch, but you get the picture? We are not symbiotic with our world. We force our place here and make things work where they really shouldn't. 
I know I am talking pretty extreme here. I mean I like air conditioning and insulation as much as the next guy, but I am just trying to pull out our human behavior to better understand what we're doing and why. Then maybe we could figure out a better way to do things. 
I was able to get a seat today. I hope that doesn't mean my day will go badly since the beat day so far this semester was when I had to stand. I'm really not superstitious, but you mind does try to make patterns of things and then tries to recreate what it believes is the course of action that brings about the best outcome. 
Okay, really random, but I think about the house I'll have someday and I think that I really want to build it. DIY. I wouldn't do it alone and would make sure things were proper, but I'd want to be apart of the building process from concept to finished product. I think I'd appreciate my home more and would know what to expect. I could also try to make it as "Eco" as I possibly could. Maybe in Ireland? Hah. I could never live that far from family, and I don't think I'll ever make enough to afford two homes.         

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

9.28.09 late

I'm on my way home, waiting at the el station. It's pretty windy up here but the air smells sweet and of autumn setting in. If I haven't mentioned it, my favorite season is autumn. 
Today was a good day. I was prepared for all my classes and have a good idea of what to do for my homework ahead. I must say that there are times that I feel like I'll never accomplish the level of animation that I hope to or see others do. But not today. Today, I was on top. I don't mean to sound conceded, but I feel like I am improving when I see my work excel over my classmate's. I work really hard on all my stuff and I truly love doing it, so to have a payoff and have my animation look good to others as well as myself encourages me that I am good at this and can be a real animator. I feel that more and more I am grasping the concepts and multitasking character movements in my head that I once felt overwhelmed me! I am even more excited about this semester now that I feel able. I have to keep in mind, though, that I am still not The Best. There are plenty of real animators that are miles ahead of me and it is very possible for any one of my classmates to top me with something great. I don't want a big head. I just want to feel capable. 
It is much easier to write on the train, where there is no violent wind about to whip away my full pop bottle. It's a first for me that I am sitting down on my way home. I usually always sit on my way in and stand on my way out. Today has been quite the reversal. Maybe it's a good thing. 
Another student in class was able to set up his own stop motion stage with peg board. I am wondering if I will be able to do the same. Not only will it give me more time besides the strict 4 hour lab policy, but I will be able to cut out the travel to downtown to use the lab and be able to work at home and at my own pace. Now I actually see good and bad things about that, one bad thing being that I may slack at home while feel compelled to work at school. But I am able to do my traditional animation at home now, so I have hope that I can budget in some supplies to build a stage. 
I've been busy and engaged so much today that I haven't stop to realize I've had little to eat all day. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and at lunch a PB & J sandwich with an apple orange and some popcorn. I suppose it is more that I thought it was but still, I'm ready for a good dinner. Winder what I will make... ?
Well, I am happy the way today turned out but now I need to focus on other upcoming classes and even next week's found of today's classes. I hope to keep up the momentum. 

Monday, September 28, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. Today I decided to catch the early bus. It will give me time to make sure I have everything ready for my classes today. I feel a bit off-beat today, whether it's because I didn't get much sleep or because I feel like I slacked on homework (which I did not, it just feels that way since I haven't been given a lot yet). 
Last night my little sister came down for a visit. Really I feel we forced her down her to cart us around while our car is in repair, but I still like to see her and I think she'll have fun. I wonder whAt she was thinking last night when we decided to head to the bottom floor of our apartment building when the tornado warning siren went off in our town. We soon returned to our third floor apartment when I found out where the tornado was actually sighted, but it was a mini-adventure in itself.
Maybe I feel off today because of the drastic change from summer to fall weather overnight. It definitely is cold today. I kinda like it but it took me by surprise when yesterday was a high 60's to 70's day and today is in the 50's. Shock to the system. 
Today I miss a few of my regulars, but there still is the old polish ? lady that is usually on with me. She's sitting just in front of me today. But there is no spikey businessman or pink fishnet lady today. I find myself turning outward today and looking more at the world passing me by than paying attention to the people around me. The world really looks as if it is in the peak of autumn. All that is left is to turn the tree leaves colors. I am not sure of an autumn sprite, someone to come before old man winter, but their job is pretty easy this year or they started earlier under summer's nose. 
Seasons are always nostalgic and exciting in the beginning. That transition into something different than the way it has been for a while, but somewhere along the line a season gets old and we become numb to it. That's when the seasons change. We get something new and different and remember all the memories tied to this returning season. Somewhere just after halfway we remember all the things we hate about the season, and then sit and wait for the next transition, thinking only about the good things about that season and not the bad. At least that's how I experience the seasons. Some people I think have an honest dread of certain seasons. My wife for example really dreads winter and thus fall too since it signals the coming of winter. She hates the cold. I admit that I am not always fond of the chilling winter weather but there is so much winter offers that you don't get from the other three. Like snow! 
Coming up on Midway now.
Whoo! Just caught the next train! Had to run for it. But it's not like I needed to catch this specific train, I could have easily taken the next, but there is just something fun about running to catch the train. At least when you really aren't in a hurry. 
The train in packed today. Probably because I caught an earlier train than I am used to. I have to stand sinsemilla all the seats are taken, which is the first time since I've stared riding that I've had to stand on the morning train. Interesting. 
Looking around there is no one that I recognize. There usually isn't on the train, unless I unknowingly follow someone from my train into the same car. But in occasion I will someone I have before on the train. 
Oh boy. Like I said, I've never been standing for the morning train but am about to become part of the human sandwich that compacts together in the train aisles as we get closer to downtown. This be fun (not). 
Ah, even though the skies are grey today, the scenery is beatiful. There is always a green patch in between two roads near 35th and Archer. Beautiful. Looking at it makes me sad though, since when you really look at it you see the peppering of trash all around. It's stupid. Why are people so stupid. Because it is convenient to just throw your trash out the window? How lame and idiotic is that?
Alright I've quickly become an Ian sandwich, so I think I'll call this quits for now...    

Friday, September 25, 2009

Public Transit

Here I am, riding the bus.  Just riding the time out until I get downtown. This time is always a bit awkward because I am surrounded by familiar faces but no one dares converse with anyone that they don't already know. A few interesting people are always here with me and I wish I could talk with them, get to know them, without seeming like a total creep. One such person is this one blonde who, the last time I saw her, was wearing pink fishnets. Today she has on jeans but is still wearing the same tall black fake suade boots that ride up half her calf. Another person is a short business man who has short hair that is always spiked. He is adorned in a very slick business suit and tie, but carries a feeling of someone who is much more sporadic and easygoing than what he puts on. I wouldn't know though; he isn't here today. Actually, today I am on the "late" bus. Really it is on time but it is the bus after the one I usually prefer to take, so today I see some new faces. But I guess ms. Pink fishnets was late today too. 

It is days like today that I really miss Bellevue. I can smell Fall in the air and I watch all the natives of this area walk down the streets and head for their schools. Sometimes I wish I was still a high school student. But things are different there, I may not like it the way it is now. All that's left of what I remember is just that, a memory. Even still I find myself hoping to live there someday. Somethings don't change so easily. The area is still the same. The trees, the air, the countryside. That's another part that I loved so much, and I would love to be back in that familiar setting. 

This place is so busy. Something is moving almost all the time. It never sleeps. I know that is the phrase used for NY but it applies here too. I don't like it. Things about it are... convenient, but thing need rest. To heal, and to review.

That's right. This bus stops at Ford City. My usually bus bypasses here because it isn't even open yet and it would be too early for employees to show up. It's in bad shape. The facilities look in need of some TLC and it is rumores to be infected with lots of gang activity. From what I can tell it once was a great and grandious place. It has some playful sculptures for the logo that are now faded and rusting. I can only assume it once was a nice shopping district, but after the high rise projects were closed and the people from them spread out into the suburbs, that this place became infected and no one has taken it upon themselves to cure it. Maybe they think it is too far gone or that this migration of project refugees are like a cancer that cannot be tamed. I don't know. But it reeks of a time long passed with things were better. And now stands as an icon for the way things have changed and are now. It is kind of sad... 

I'm reaching Midway now, gonna hop from the bus to the train. I'm not sure which one I like more... Will have to think about that.

I don't know why but I decided to get on middle car today. I usually aim for one of the front two cars but I ended up just following people from my bus like a lady in a business suit and a gentlemen who looks to be pissed off he had to wake up today. A lady is scrubs is sitting across from me and I caught her smiling at a book she is reading. I see smiles so little around here. Are people truly that depressed and unhappy around here? I welcome almost any smile when they appear, eventhe slightest smirk sin e it gives me some hope that people are happy here. Well, there was that one guy across the room at McDonalds that keep staring at me with an almost demonic grin on his face... that was kind if creepy. But it just makes you feel better when you see others smile, so if no one smiles then everyone will suffer. 

Living in the city has made me realize our faults more. In Bellevue and Battle Creek I knew of our problems and saw them in mild doses, but here I've seen our problems at point blank range and close to as severe as they get. Granted I haven't gone through maybe even a hundreth of what some of these Chicago natives have had to endure or have seen, but I have been awakened to what we are doing to ourselves and our planet. 

The definition of being hman should be simply, contradiction. Because that is all we are. We are the earths great contradiction. In a way we are just like Lemmings. We find a place we can live and sustain ourselves and we become comfortable. We grow our families and our comforts until we consume all our resources. Soon we are frantic and desparately search for a new place to be content, and in the process we kill ourselves by trying too hard to reach somethng that isn't there. In the Disney version, we throw ourselves off a cliff. Weant to be safe but we also aMy excitement. We want to be independent but also taken care of. We want to be left alone but also need to be around people. We're just strange beings. I wonder what God was thinking when he molded us in his image.  

Here is my stop. Time to return to life and maybe learn something.    

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