Here I am, riding the bus. Just riding the time out until I get downtown. This time is always a bit awkward because I am surrounded by familiar faces but no one dares converse with anyone that they don't already know. A few interesting people are always here with me and I wish I could talk with them, get to know them, without seeming like a total creep. One such person is this one blonde who, the last time I saw her, was wearing pink fishnets. Today she has on jeans but is still wearing the same tall black fake suade boots that ride up half her calf. Another person is a short business man who has short hair that is always spiked. He is adorned in a very slick business suit and tie, but carries a feeling of someone who is much more sporadic and easygoing than what he puts on. I wouldn't know though; he isn't here today. Actually, today I am on the "late" bus. Really it is on time but it is the bus after the one I usually prefer to take, so today I see some new faces. But I guess ms. Pink fishnets was late today too.
It is days like today that I really miss Bellevue. I can smell Fall in the air and I watch all the natives of this area walk down the streets and head for their schools. Sometimes I wish I was still a high school student. But things are different there, I may not like it the way it is now. All that's left of what I remember is just that, a memory. Even still I find myself hoping to live there someday. Somethings don't change so easily. The area is still the same. The trees, the air, the countryside. That's another part that I loved so much, and I would love to be back in that familiar setting.
This place is so busy. Something is moving almost all the time. It never sleeps. I know that is the phrase used for NY but it applies here too. I don't like it. Things about it are... convenient, but thing need rest. To heal, and to review.
That's right. This bus stops at Ford City. My usually bus bypasses here because it isn't even open yet and it would be too early for employees to show up. It's in bad shape. The facilities look in need of some TLC and it is rumores to be infected with lots of gang activity. From what I can tell it once was a great and grandious place. It has some playful sculptures for the logo that are now faded and rusting. I can only assume it once was a nice shopping district, but after the high rise projects were closed and the people from them spread out into the suburbs, that this place became infected and no one has taken it upon themselves to cure it. Maybe they think it is too far gone or that this migration of project refugees are like a cancer that cannot be tamed. I don't know. But it reeks of a time long passed with things were better. And now stands as an icon for the way things have changed and are now. It is kind of sad...
I'm reaching Midway now, gonna hop from the bus to the train. I'm not sure which one I like more... Will have to think about that.
I don't know why but I decided to get on middle car today. I usually aim for one of the front two cars but I ended up just following people from my bus like a lady in a business suit and a gentlemen who looks to be pissed off he had to wake up today. A lady is scrubs is sitting across from me and I caught her smiling at a book she is reading. I see smiles so little around here. Are people truly that depressed and unhappy around here? I welcome almost any smile when they appear, eventhe slightest smirk sin e it gives me some hope that people are happy here. Well, there was that one guy across the room at McDonalds that keep staring at me with an almost demonic grin on his face... that was kind if creepy. But it just makes you feel better when you see others smile, so if no one smiles then everyone will suffer.
Living in the city has made me realize our faults more. In Bellevue and Battle Creek I knew of our problems and saw them in mild doses, but here I've seen our problems at point blank range and close to as severe as they get. Granted I haven't gone through maybe even a hundreth of what some of these Chicago natives have had to endure or have seen, but I have been awakened to what we are doing to ourselves and our planet.
The definition of being hman should be simply, contradiction. Because that is all we are. We are the earths great contradiction. In a way we are just like Lemmings. We find a place we can live and sustain ourselves and we become comfortable. We grow our families and our comforts until we consume all our resources. Soon we are frantic and desparately search for a new place to be content, and in the process we kill ourselves by trying too hard to reach somethng that isn't there. In the Disney version, we throw ourselves off a cliff. Weant to be safe but we also aMy excitement. We want to be independent but also taken care of. We want to be left alone but also need to be around people. We're just strange beings. I wonder what God was thinking when he molded us in his image.
Here is my stop. Time to return to life and maybe learn something.