Monday, October 26, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. Halloween is later this week. It really has snuck up on my this time, especially since I am not working anymore. Retail always let me know what time of year it was, but now with only my limited trips to the store, I almost have no idea what time of the year it is. I've been noticing more the subtle changes in weather and how much homework I keep getting. 

Tim, are you reading? I bet you've got a good grasp of the season since you're a target man. 

Anyway, I've definitely have had animation on the brain a lot. The other day I woke up thinking about how to improve the arm swings on my walk cycles. Seriously. The alarm goes off and I'm thinking about walk cycles. I usually go to bed with animation on the mind so maybe it's not so strange a thing to wake up to then. 

Ugh, I need a haircut.

Emily works Halloween. I am not sure what I am going to do with myself. I should just work on animation finals, but I'll probably end up driving around looking for something to do. Maybe I'll have my Little Mermaid DVD by then and do a shot breakdown of some of the scenes. I hope there are some good extras and maybe a some pencil tests! 

Crap. I need to call Jacob. He called me almost three days ago and I keep forgetting to return his call. We were going to go see a large screen showing of Evangelion 1.0 this week, but I already had some concert tickets and a mandatory MI visit planned and he has filming during the week for his 20-30K project he's producing. I wish I had a better name for it. I am excited for him though, and hope that it's going well.

Oh! The Ludo concert on Friday was awesome! The played the whole Broken Bride EP and most of the songs from they're other two discs. They were goods. I enjoyed one of their opening bands as well, Ha Ha Tonka. Nice country twang with a whole lot of Rock'n'Roll kick. 

All right well the trains really filling up today, so I'm calling it quits for now.         

Friday, October 23, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. Still enjoying the new route and without an upset stomach I can enjoy it more. Yesterday and today have been rainy and in running to catch the bus I soaked my shoes and socks. Squishy. Mostly I don't mind the rain, it's cleansing this dirty city physically and emotionally. I know I always feel at ease and spiritually cleansed when it rains. 

My new route takes me deep into the heart of south Chicago and I see some interesting things from the buss window. A lot of things make me ponder about the areas history. Some roads cut across diagonally and end but continue on as smaller roads. Makes me wonder how it looked 20 years ago, or maybe 50 years ago. I know that there is a ton of history embedded in the entire area and I wish I knew how to unlock it. Downtown also screams its history to me but what it screams has no content... I just know it's there. I wish I could take the history of Chicago class, but I am already scraping to get in the few electives for my animation into my schedule. 

Reminds me that I've got to get my school paid for so I can register in November. If not, then I may not get the classes I HAVE to take for next semester.  That's a buzz-kill...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Here I am, on a new bus today! Previously I rode a Pace bus that stopped just outside our apartment complex, but it did not accept my U-Pass that gives me free rides on any CTA buses and trains. Now we've figured out a way to keep my morning commute free! There is a CTA bus stop on Emily's way to work that takes me to the red line EL. I am excited not only to be saving more that $40 a month now but to also have a new route to explore! I'll be seeing some new people and regulars. Goodbye pink fish-nets and spikey-haired businessman. 

Ugh... I don't feel very good today.  

Monday, October 19, 2009


Here I am, waiting for the bus to show up. There is a cold wind in the air that seems to penetrate not only my sweater but almost to the bone. It's just a tell that summer is definitely gone and that we're nearing the holiday season. I guess i've been too caught up in school to pay attention to the way time has been flying by. Halloween is less that 2 weeks away. I am not sure if we'll get to carve pumpkins this year...


I am constantly in search of things I can do to increase my skills of animation and be more likely to be accepted for a job out of school. One of those things that I think I have forgotten is figure drawing. After looking on Calabash animation's website, they really laid down the importance of good figure drawing and a display of that in a portfolio. Well, I have little to no figure drawings to put in for my portfolio. I think I have a basic feel for gesture and the figure, but I know I still have improvements to make and I really need to produce some GOOD figure drawings for when I start applying for jobs. I remember locating a small community college a few miles north of us that offered figure drawing classes. While Columbia does offer that class and it is part of my requirement to graduate, I would love to have the opportunity to keep at it. I really should participate in the online figure drawing group I signed up for. They hold monthly events within Chicago, and I get emails for when each upcoming sessions is going to take place. Maybe once the semester is over I'll try attending one. 

I still need to simply draw more. And I mean outside of my homework. I keep finding excuses and less fulfilling activities to take its place and I really just need to remember how good it feels and not to get discouraged when I can't draw something the way I want. I just need to keep drawing. One of these days I'll have to go to Lincoln park zoo or O'Hare airport and just the people walking around. I don't get to use the resources this area offers me very often. 

A random thought: I wonder if I'll get to go ice fishing this year. Last time I had truly gone was my senior year with JB. There are a lot of things I haven't done in a few years. I bet Emily has a few too. I wonder when I'll be able to do things again; when we'll be more stable and have some friends to do things with. I know I want to animate and I know that I am supposed to be here to learn it, but sometimes I wish we had stayed in Battle Creek around our friends and family and an area we knew and comforted us. 

I wonder what Jim Middleton is up to? I wonder how my grandfather is doing. Will I make it home anytime soon?

Will we ever make it home?

I may love animating and I suppose I am decent at it, but sometimes I wish I could have found a profession that was centered closer to home.


Friday, October 16, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. It's different waking up with Emily on these mornings. Instead of just getting around by myself, there is someone else up and around now. I like be able to see her awake before I leave for school. She makes me lazy. The last couple of days her and I have not had work or school so all we did was hang out. Again, it's nice to relax with her, but when I needed to start on my homework I had a heck of a time getting motivated. I just wanted to sit around with my wife! With Emily working less days now, she's going to be home a lot more and I am going to have to learn how to work on things WHILE she's there. I've got so many side projects on hold that I can't afford to not work on things while she's there. Literally. I am having trouble acquiring  my private student loan and if I don't get it, then we may need to take out a normal loan that is not deferred. I'll have to find some sort of income then or step up on my charcoal drawings to pay the bills. I am kind of hoping that I can just put my complete heart and soul into my final projects this semester and hopefully have a good enough reel to get me hired somewhere doing something in the field of animation. Here's to hoping. 

With all of this money trouble, I still have a strange sense of ease about getting through school. I am not sure if it is an ignorance thing of not understanding how dire things are or if God is giving me this peace. I don't know what I will be doing when I get out of school, but I am hopeful. I would really like to grab that associate development internship that Disney is offering for just out of school undergraduates. While I don't see myself sticking around to work at Disney, I do prefer that fluid animation style and would like to be helped to develop my skills towards that type. Plus it's a paid internship! 

I'm in an awkward position between just starting my dream and reaching it. I've already quit a stable job to concentrate on "my career" but I haven't quite landed the puck past the goalie yet. I am at the center of the rink and approaching the goal and I am afraid to shoot since I am still a bit far away. Maybe I am closer than I think and should take the shot? Before I get too close and have to spend more time trying to reset myself up for the shot. Wow I went a little far with that metaphor. I just don't know if I am ready to start applying to studios but maybe I don't realize that I am ready, but if I don't, we could get into debt and I'll end up needing to do other things in order to pay to finish my school and never get a job in animation until were on our feet again. Phooey. 

I think I am grasping animation well, but I know that my illustration skills are lacking. I need to practice more on my figure and gesture drawing as well as just draw more. My sketchbook is bare of drawings and sketches and has been filling up with notes more lately. If I can just establish the habit then I could improve quickly I believe, but on default I'm lazy and would rather sit at the tv or computer than draw. But I love to draw! I just need to remind myself that it's something I like doing and that being lazy is not very fulfilling in the end. I always ending up feeling very down a depressed like I am doing anything with my life when I am too lazy. I also need to motivate myself to go for walks or to the gym so that way not only am I exercising my mind but my body as well. So much still to do towards bettering myself... 

As a side note, I've found a fellow classmate that rides the train out to the same area and we catch each other on our Friday commutes. I haven't really gotten to know him that well yet, but I think today I'll ask him about his plans and to see some of his work. We have today's Alt. Strat class together and I believe camera & sound on Wednesdays. Alt strat is a fun class but I haven't had my heart into it much. I'm not sure if that's because I am not as interested in it or if it is its placement in the week being on Friday morning. It is quickly becoming my throw-away class. Not that I won't still do good and get a good grade, but I am not putting 100% of my effort into this class. With 4 other animation production classes, I have to have one be my lazy class. 

Anyway... That's it for now.  

Monday, October 12, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. Today I am thinking about the ownership of things and their uncanny ability to break. Earlier this week Emily's computer keyboard had it's K key bust and now doesn't type very easily. And just last night, her computer decided to stop recognizing the power cord. I used what battery power was left to back up her personal files so I can take it in to be fixed. She was not happy. 

I am the same way, and maybe even worse when it comes to my things. I should know better that the way things work, things inevitably break down. But I just don't want them to! I spent our hard earned money for these things so how dare they bust! 

I should read a chapter from Ecclesiastes. Everything is vanity without God. These things don't matter by themselves. They worthless without a purpose from God. So then if God does give them to us with a purpose, why do they break? Well, maybe we haven't been using our things for the purpose He intended us to use them for. Or maybe we're distant from him and need a wake up call. I can't know God's thoughts but I can ask him what I am supposed to do about it. 

This all sounds so simple as I write it, but I know first hand that it is really hard to let go of a broken laptop or a lost CD or not having something you want so badly because it's too expensive (I want an iPhone!). But we need to remember that God has our lives in his hands and, despite what we want, he knows what we NEED. 

It's funny how He even programmed us to lose satisfaction of our things. You know how you'll want this one item so badly and you are so excited when you finally get it, but after a month or so passes you lose interest in the newness of it and it just becomes another thing. We are supposed to latch onto things; they only bring temporary satisfaction. For true satisfaction we need to turn to worship and prayer.

I think God still wants us to have things and enjoy them, but we must give Him thanks and realize the reasons for us to have those items.

Thinking about things makes me ponder about collecting. Is it a sin? Collecting items that you will never functionally use. I suppose as a whole a collection can have a purpose but I think one would have to really ask God what that purpose is. Otherwise I think that collections are pretty worthless in God's eyes. Now, the thing is that I am really guilty of collecting. I have an urge to posses the entirety of a series of things and in the best condition possible. But what purpose do those collected things serve to me? Some things make sense, like my collection of animation teaching books for my reference and for anyone else who may be interested. I use those, they have a purpose and a function. But my collection of ball-caps when I don't even wear hats very often is pretty worthless. It's strange how life tries to get you to collect, with baseball cards, pogs, and pokemon. We become collectors at a young age, but we have to realize these thing do not last and it is silly to build up a collection of them. If you truly use something, then it will wear and you'll have to replace it. But to not use something in order to preserve it gives the item no function and, sure you have it a long time, it will be useless. 

Things break, but that should be good sign in that the item is being used and fulfilling it's purpose for you. Now some things are shottier than others and will break under less stress, but again why did God choose to take it away from us? Maybe we weren't appreciating the item enough or not using it for the intended purpose? In any case, we have to fix it and fix ourselves too. 

All this is just talk right now. I know that i'll be angry the next time something of mine breaks, but hopefully I will lost back at this post and be eased. 

I guess I am tapped out on the topic now, so adios. 

Friday, October 2, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. I'm kind of brainless today. I've actually got a few songs stuck in my head from a musical I've loved since I was little, Pete's Dragon. My sister just bought me the DVD and I re-watched it for the first time in probably ten years. Classic stuff.

"Cause it's not easy, to find some one who cares. 
It's not easy to find magic in pairs..."

To someone who hasn't grown up with that movie I guess it would seem a little weird and unoriginal, but this carries fond memories for me. 
It also brings up some harsh yearnings for the stage. Since I was seven years until I was twenty, I've been participating in annual community theater. After that I've done nothing. And I miss it. There is no way I can do anything right now, with school and the initial job after. I love animating, but I also love to act, sing, and dance on stage. I never felt I could do it as a profession, and liked keeping it a hobby, but as an adult where I to go to get my theater fix? My hometown community theater council disbanded, and I don't live there anymore to try and revive it.
"We'll bind him up, grind him up, chop him up, lop him up! Can't you hear that jingle jangle sound!?
Oh yeah!!
Money money money by the pound!"

I love this musical. I doubt it could be easily done on a small stage, but I would love to try someday. Depending on where everyone is, when (if) I move back to MI, I'd like to contact my old theater friends and see about reinstating the community theater. Ah, bit it's all just a pipe dream now. More than likely we won't be moving back to MI and I'll get a job either here in Chicago or in California. I am in no way a great actor or singer. I'm simply okay. I just love to do it for the fun of it. But here in Chicago or even out in Cali, I feel intimidated by the presence of professionals and am fairly certain I wouldn't be picked to be in much. I've probably lost so much knowledge of it since it has been so long anyways.
"I'll be your candle on the water..."

There is just nothing like being up on stage with great music being played and being able sing and dance in front of others, trying your best to entertain them as well as have the most fun you can doing so. 

Right now, the best I can do is act through my pencil. That will have to do for a few years. 

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. This morning is very gray a fall like. It seems the entire week has been like this. But just last week we had some really warm and sunny days, and it is awkward to think that those days are suddenly over. But it is September, and October is only few days away, so, maybe the summer weather was filling in for autumn being late?
Don't know...
Well, today I have to play catch up as I think about my class later. There's a quiz today, and while I feel very knowledgeable about what we've done and discussed in class, I am still worried since it is only ten questions. Not a large margin for error. There is also the fact that I know certain students have cheated for this quiz. When the teacher was out of the room, the glanced into his class book and saw thee test last week. Talk about academic dishonesty. I almost want to bring it up to the teacher but after a week already having past, I think statute of limitations for tattling has been exceeded. Hr might be suspicious of my motives, doing it just before we're about to take the quiz. I suppose I'll just keep quiet about it even though it feels so wrong to do so. 
I'm tired. I didn't give myself a lot of sleep last night. I was up trying to get things around for today and for Emily. I am finally giving away a charcoal portrait I've been finished with for a while.  That means there will be some extra money in bank this week. Sadly, it will probably get spent real fast. We're doing things pretty tight right now. We're not banking much savings and don't have much spending money after paying the bills. I am thankful that we have some savings still built up and I am trying real hard not to dip into it unless absolutely necessary. And we definitely have money set aside for God to use if he likes. 
But enough about money. The other day I was thinking about how we are polluting the planet with our trash and tried to apply it to thinking that all animals try to alter their habitat. I guess what makes a human's alterations so significant is the scale at which we change things. No other animal has changed it's surroundings and drastically and wide spread as human beings. Think about if bears were able to flatten miles and miles of forest and lay down think stone to prevent things from re-growing and then building huge skyscrapers over it. That's a bit ridiculous isn't it? 
On the train now. 
Okay, I know that God put us on earth to regulate and cAre for the animals and our environment, but do you think what we've done is what he had in mind? we're overpopulated and while some are overfed, others are underfed. We raise animals in cages where they can't even turn around only to slaughter them. What kind of life for that cow is that? We are cultivating that animal for only a specific purpose and only doing things to further that sole purpose. Feels a bit communistic to me. That would be like raising your child in an enclosed room where he could only read about math and all other things like hygiene and communication skills did not matter because he was being raised only to be someone's accountant. Well, that analogy is a stretch, but you get the picture? We are not symbiotic with our world. We force our place here and make things work where they really shouldn't. 
I know I am talking pretty extreme here. I mean I like air conditioning and insulation as much as the next guy, but I am just trying to pull out our human behavior to better understand what we're doing and why. Then maybe we could figure out a better way to do things. 
I was able to get a seat today. I hope that doesn't mean my day will go badly since the beat day so far this semester was when I had to stand. I'm really not superstitious, but you mind does try to make patterns of things and then tries to recreate what it believes is the course of action that brings about the best outcome. 
Okay, really random, but I think about the house I'll have someday and I think that I really want to build it. DIY. I wouldn't do it alone and would make sure things were proper, but I'd want to be apart of the building process from concept to finished product. I think I'd appreciate my home more and would know what to expect. I could also try to make it as "Eco" as I possibly could. Maybe in Ireland? Hah. I could never live that far from family, and I don't think I'll ever make enough to afford two homes.         

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

9.28.09 late

I'm on my way home, waiting at the el station. It's pretty windy up here but the air smells sweet and of autumn setting in. If I haven't mentioned it, my favorite season is autumn. 
Today was a good day. I was prepared for all my classes and have a good idea of what to do for my homework ahead. I must say that there are times that I feel like I'll never accomplish the level of animation that I hope to or see others do. But not today. Today, I was on top. I don't mean to sound conceded, but I feel like I am improving when I see my work excel over my classmate's. I work really hard on all my stuff and I truly love doing it, so to have a payoff and have my animation look good to others as well as myself encourages me that I am good at this and can be a real animator. I feel that more and more I am grasping the concepts and multitasking character movements in my head that I once felt overwhelmed me! I am even more excited about this semester now that I feel able. I have to keep in mind, though, that I am still not The Best. There are plenty of real animators that are miles ahead of me and it is very possible for any one of my classmates to top me with something great. I don't want a big head. I just want to feel capable. 
It is much easier to write on the train, where there is no violent wind about to whip away my full pop bottle. It's a first for me that I am sitting down on my way home. I usually always sit on my way in and stand on my way out. Today has been quite the reversal. Maybe it's a good thing. 
Another student in class was able to set up his own stop motion stage with peg board. I am wondering if I will be able to do the same. Not only will it give me more time besides the strict 4 hour lab policy, but I will be able to cut out the travel to downtown to use the lab and be able to work at home and at my own pace. Now I actually see good and bad things about that, one bad thing being that I may slack at home while feel compelled to work at school. But I am able to do my traditional animation at home now, so I have hope that I can budget in some supplies to build a stage. 
I've been busy and engaged so much today that I haven't stop to realize I've had little to eat all day. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and at lunch a PB & J sandwich with an apple orange and some popcorn. I suppose it is more that I thought it was but still, I'm ready for a good dinner. Winder what I will make... ?
Well, I am happy the way today turned out but now I need to focus on other upcoming classes and even next week's found of today's classes. I hope to keep up the momentum. 

Monday, September 28, 2009


Here I am, on the bus again. Today I decided to catch the early bus. It will give me time to make sure I have everything ready for my classes today. I feel a bit off-beat today, whether it's because I didn't get much sleep or because I feel like I slacked on homework (which I did not, it just feels that way since I haven't been given a lot yet). 
Last night my little sister came down for a visit. Really I feel we forced her down her to cart us around while our car is in repair, but I still like to see her and I think she'll have fun. I wonder whAt she was thinking last night when we decided to head to the bottom floor of our apartment building when the tornado warning siren went off in our town. We soon returned to our third floor apartment when I found out where the tornado was actually sighted, but it was a mini-adventure in itself.
Maybe I feel off today because of the drastic change from summer to fall weather overnight. It definitely is cold today. I kinda like it but it took me by surprise when yesterday was a high 60's to 70's day and today is in the 50's. Shock to the system. 
Today I miss a few of my regulars, but there still is the old polish ? lady that is usually on with me. She's sitting just in front of me today. But there is no spikey businessman or pink fishnet lady today. I find myself turning outward today and looking more at the world passing me by than paying attention to the people around me. The world really looks as if it is in the peak of autumn. All that is left is to turn the tree leaves colors. I am not sure of an autumn sprite, someone to come before old man winter, but their job is pretty easy this year or they started earlier under summer's nose. 
Seasons are always nostalgic and exciting in the beginning. That transition into something different than the way it has been for a while, but somewhere along the line a season gets old and we become numb to it. That's when the seasons change. We get something new and different and remember all the memories tied to this returning season. Somewhere just after halfway we remember all the things we hate about the season, and then sit and wait for the next transition, thinking only about the good things about that season and not the bad. At least that's how I experience the seasons. Some people I think have an honest dread of certain seasons. My wife for example really dreads winter and thus fall too since it signals the coming of winter. She hates the cold. I admit that I am not always fond of the chilling winter weather but there is so much winter offers that you don't get from the other three. Like snow! 
Coming up on Midway now.
Whoo! Just caught the next train! Had to run for it. But it's not like I needed to catch this specific train, I could have easily taken the next, but there is just something fun about running to catch the train. At least when you really aren't in a hurry. 
The train in packed today. Probably because I caught an earlier train than I am used to. I have to stand sinsemilla all the seats are taken, which is the first time since I've stared riding that I've had to stand on the morning train. Interesting. 
Looking around there is no one that I recognize. There usually isn't on the train, unless I unknowingly follow someone from my train into the same car. But in occasion I will someone I have before on the train. 
Oh boy. Like I said, I've never been standing for the morning train but am about to become part of the human sandwich that compacts together in the train aisles as we get closer to downtown. This be fun (not). 
Ah, even though the skies are grey today, the scenery is beatiful. There is always a green patch in between two roads near 35th and Archer. Beautiful. Looking at it makes me sad though, since when you really look at it you see the peppering of trash all around. It's stupid. Why are people so stupid. Because it is convenient to just throw your trash out the window? How lame and idiotic is that?
Alright I've quickly become an Ian sandwich, so I think I'll call this quits for now...    

Friday, September 25, 2009

Public Transit

Here I am, riding the bus.  Just riding the time out until I get downtown. This time is always a bit awkward because I am surrounded by familiar faces but no one dares converse with anyone that they don't already know. A few interesting people are always here with me and I wish I could talk with them, get to know them, without seeming like a total creep. One such person is this one blonde who, the last time I saw her, was wearing pink fishnets. Today she has on jeans but is still wearing the same tall black fake suade boots that ride up half her calf. Another person is a short business man who has short hair that is always spiked. He is adorned in a very slick business suit and tie, but carries a feeling of someone who is much more sporadic and easygoing than what he puts on. I wouldn't know though; he isn't here today. Actually, today I am on the "late" bus. Really it is on time but it is the bus after the one I usually prefer to take, so today I see some new faces. But I guess ms. Pink fishnets was late today too. 

It is days like today that I really miss Bellevue. I can smell Fall in the air and I watch all the natives of this area walk down the streets and head for their schools. Sometimes I wish I was still a high school student. But things are different there, I may not like it the way it is now. All that's left of what I remember is just that, a memory. Even still I find myself hoping to live there someday. Somethings don't change so easily. The area is still the same. The trees, the air, the countryside. That's another part that I loved so much, and I would love to be back in that familiar setting. 

This place is so busy. Something is moving almost all the time. It never sleeps. I know that is the phrase used for NY but it applies here too. I don't like it. Things about it are... convenient, but thing need rest. To heal, and to review.

That's right. This bus stops at Ford City. My usually bus bypasses here because it isn't even open yet and it would be too early for employees to show up. It's in bad shape. The facilities look in need of some TLC and it is rumores to be infected with lots of gang activity. From what I can tell it once was a great and grandious place. It has some playful sculptures for the logo that are now faded and rusting. I can only assume it once was a nice shopping district, but after the high rise projects were closed and the people from them spread out into the suburbs, that this place became infected and no one has taken it upon themselves to cure it. Maybe they think it is too far gone or that this migration of project refugees are like a cancer that cannot be tamed. I don't know. But it reeks of a time long passed with things were better. And now stands as an icon for the way things have changed and are now. It is kind of sad... 

I'm reaching Midway now, gonna hop from the bus to the train. I'm not sure which one I like more... Will have to think about that.

I don't know why but I decided to get on middle car today. I usually aim for one of the front two cars but I ended up just following people from my bus like a lady in a business suit and a gentlemen who looks to be pissed off he had to wake up today. A lady is scrubs is sitting across from me and I caught her smiling at a book she is reading. I see smiles so little around here. Are people truly that depressed and unhappy around here? I welcome almost any smile when they appear, eventhe slightest smirk sin e it gives me some hope that people are happy here. Well, there was that one guy across the room at McDonalds that keep staring at me with an almost demonic grin on his face... that was kind if creepy. But it just makes you feel better when you see others smile, so if no one smiles then everyone will suffer. 

Living in the city has made me realize our faults more. In Bellevue and Battle Creek I knew of our problems and saw them in mild doses, but here I've seen our problems at point blank range and close to as severe as they get. Granted I haven't gone through maybe even a hundreth of what some of these Chicago natives have had to endure or have seen, but I have been awakened to what we are doing to ourselves and our planet. 

The definition of being hman should be simply, contradiction. Because that is all we are. We are the earths great contradiction. In a way we are just like Lemmings. We find a place we can live and sustain ourselves and we become comfortable. We grow our families and our comforts until we consume all our resources. Soon we are frantic and desparately search for a new place to be content, and in the process we kill ourselves by trying too hard to reach somethng that isn't there. In the Disney version, we throw ourselves off a cliff. Weant to be safe but we also aMy excitement. We want to be independent but also taken care of. We want to be left alone but also need to be around people. We're just strange beings. I wonder what God was thinking when he molded us in his image.  

Here is my stop. Time to return to life and maybe learn something.    

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Animation Wish List

My continuing wish list of books and supplies for animation.

1. Groundwork of Evangelion 1.0 (You Are Not Alone)
2. The Illusion of Life (book)
4. Writing for Animation (book)
5. Animation Lightbox for 12field bond paper
6. More table space!!!
7. Figure In Motion (book)
8. Drawn to Life: The Walt Stanchfield Lectures vol. 1(book) Got it!
9. Drawn to Life: The Walt Stanchfield Lectures vol. 2 (book)
10. Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 2 (DVD set)
11. Your Career in Animation: How to Survive and Thrive (book)

Ludo - The Broken Bride

I've had this album for a while because I really enjoy the music style and the lead singer. Their songs are very playful and can be very emotional as well. Well it wasn't until just today I actually listened to the lyrics of the album. I also looked up a little information on it and realized the album is a rock opera! Should have been obvious from the song names:

Part I The Broken Bride
Save Our City
Part II Tonight's the Night
Part III The Lamb and the Dragon
Part IV Morning in May

Anyways, the story of the whole album is very playful and silly, but at the same time is very serious and emotional.

Part I The Broken Bride:
Fifteen years I raged against the constant C, the
speed of light, the diagrams and haunted sleep
on frozen sheets, in bed, my dreams, your garden grave,
I'd climb inside, hold your bones and slowly die, the
cooling space inside your chest, my broken bride, you
never breathed again.

The circuits fail, the cosmic strings like rubber
bands, I lose control, they snap, I fall through
mist to mud against my face, the taste of blood,
the world is strange, the stinking earth and giant
trees, through heavy air a demon shrieks, what
have I done? What hell is waiting for me?

I crashed before the birth of Christ, pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989, just wanna get back to that morning in May
Keep you in bed, never escape, holding you close,
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

Like motor oil down my throat, I couldn't speak, I dropped
the phone, the burning flares, the steam, your hair,
bits of glass, they sparkled everywhere, like winter
nights, the stars, the ice, all intertwined, to hold and
keep, like petals pressed in sheets, making love to
moonlight in our sleep.

But now above the pits of tar, in a cave I hide, that
massive screaming thing with wings of reaper's cloth,
it's standing just outside, I must get to my machine,
I will bring you back to life, fix your ruined lungs,
I'll undo what time has done!

I crashed before the birth of Christ, pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989, just wanna get back to that morning in May
Keep you in bed, never escape, holding you close,
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

I carve your sweet name
into the cave, I'm sure to die
All my strife has been in vain
The glaciers come and wash my words away

I crashed before the birth of Christ, pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989, just wanna get back to that morning in May
Keep you in bed, never escape, holding you close,
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

Apparently, the main character creates a time machine to go back in time and save wife from dying in a car accident in May of 1989. His machine malfunctions and he is sent back to prehistoric times. He is separated from his machine after an encounter with a dinosaur and hides in a cave.

Save Our City:
Mr. Mayor, the mission burns
the zombies are marching, they close on the square
Families are cold, look down at their souls
huddled in camps on the old marble steps of City Hall
Faith in their God, that's all that they've got
Across the room, beyond the pane
the whole world is churning, bleeding and burning, hailstorms and ash
The moon is as blood
over the soldiers who sag in the mud.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
Through the rapture
of this world.

Little boy, I'm just a man, a mere civil servant
against this tyrant God
I've allied with our King, salvation he brings
protecting the city against all the troops Heaven sent
but the dead walk again, this is the end.
Oh I'm just a man, my time has come
Long live King Simius! May he deliver us from this nightmare!
And with a blast like the sun
his lips are unwrapped from the barrel of his gun.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
Through the rapture
of this world.

Fought and fell for our great king
we burned alive and boiled
The dragon, red and wrathful calls
We rise and march once more.
Cursed in death, we starve for flesh
Our skin is cooked and curled
We'll eat our skin and smash them in
In Hell, we'll grind their bones.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
Through the rapture
of this world.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord God
Through the rapture
of this world.

Save our city
(Fought and fell for our great king)
Keep our souls, Lord God
(We burned alive and boiled)
Through [the mayor's ruined head, the boy steps through the window] the
(The dragon, red and wrathful calls)
of this world. [and cries out from the ledge to the people below.]
(We rise and march once more.)

Save our city [There's a time to pray and there's a time to fight]
(Cursed in death, we starve for flesh)
Keep our souls, Lord God [Anything can be a weapon if you're holding it
(Our skin is cooked and curled)
Through the rapture [Defend what is yours, they will not take our souls]
(We'll eat our skin and smash them in)
and so we [it's time now to] rise and fight!

Save our city!
Keep our souls, Lord!
Rise now and fight!

Now this is a sort of insert. Jumping away from the story of our character hiding in a cave, we are now in the future. A mayor is trying to fight against an anti-christ called King Simion and his zombie army. The mayor confides his hopes to a boy, but along the way he mayor loses hope and kills himself. The boy steps up to encourage the troops to continue fighting against the zombie army.

Part II Tonight's the Night:
Oh baby, baby, how I lost my mind
Time is quite the killer when you're left behind
The airbag held you 'til the engine slept
At home your pillow cooled while the willows wept

They come and go, love (Come and go, but they, but they)
But they're all the same (D-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe (At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (Tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time

Remember in the summer when I held your hand
on the southern shore, finding fossils in the sand
Oh baby, maybe someday you will find me
on that beach beside you again

They come and go, love (Come and go, but they, but they)
But they're all the same (D-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe (At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (Tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time

Here we go!

They come and go, love (Come and go, but they, but they)
But they're all the same (D-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe (At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (Tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time

I'm gonna save your life

Okay, were back in the cave with our time traveler. Still thinking about his wife and determined to save her, he decides to get to his machine and try again to reach that morning in May of 1989 and stop his wife from dying.

Part III The Lamb and the Dragon:
Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhh
So rapid the raptors, as coursers, they came
all the scratching and screaming, I barely escaped
while the fuel cells they drained far too fast, I am dragged
like worms on a hook through the hole to the
blackness beyond
at the end of days, where the world bleeds and burns

The sun is black as sackcloth made of hair
The stars have fallen to the earth, mountains tearing from the ground
Look at the people hiding from the red raindrops
while earthquakes shake the broken timber of this burning town
There's poison in the water, the ocean's blood that's turned
to slime and gotten hard
All the fish and whales are corpses on the scab
In the darkness soldiers gnaw their tongues in pain, you see
so help me God, at the end of time they're screaming and on their knees!
Oh let them die! Oh let them die!

The wrath of the Lamb! the martyrs cry
Break the seven seals, let the horsemen ride!
The soldiers bear the royal crest and scream into the sky
He will come! He will come! The Dragon's on the rise!


The King survived though his throat was cut, they say he's the chosen one
He leads our men from Babylon, the rebellion's worldy son
Against the Tyrant, we have joined with him as soldiers
He tells me this while he shakes a bit - he's staring at his gun.
The painful stings of flying things have worn away his flesh and popped his eyes
At the blackness, he lashes out and cries:
You cowards and your wrathful God will see what power means
when the Dragon comes - His will be done - in the fires you'll be cleaned!
Oh let him rise!
Oh let him rise!

The wrath of the Lamb! the martyrs cry
Break the seven seals, let the horsemen ride!
The soldiers bear the royal crest and scream into the sky
He will come! He will come! The Dragon's on the rise!

I watch these people fall
The dragon shrieks and burns it all
I flip the circuits on, I've got dragons of my own
The portal glows and my machine's destroyed.

The Traveler has saved their souls from the Destroyer of Worlds
Then why does his heart still scream? Rise and speak.
I couldn't save her. I know she will die
But please, if I could only tell her goodbye
All I want is just one more day
that morning in May...

I've fought reptilian monsters
I've crossed a bloody sea
just to meet you here
and now I'm coming home, my dear
The light is ward, outside at dawn
The garden has no weeds, no grave beneath the tree
Through the silent house, my love after all
Curled up in a ball there you are

Alright. Well our poor time traveler's machine malfunctions again and he is thrusted into the future situation which was described in Save Our City. He sees the people suffering at the hand of the anti-christ King Simion. A battle ensues and King Simion send out his dragon to finish the job. The time traveler makes a decision to help these people by sacrificing his machine to get rid of the dragon, sending it back to prehistoric times. His machine is then destroyed. he is visited by some ethereal beings (angels?) which ask why he is not happy after such a victory. he describes how he is no longer able to save his wife. So they grant him a wish and send him to that morning in May of 1989 where he sees his wife.

Part IV Morning in May:
Your socks on the wood floor
the moment I'd hoped for
I'm terrified to think you might be real

i curl up behind you
fit my body to yours like a shell
i smell your hair, oh love i can't believe you
i squeeze you to make sure you're really here, and i'm overwhelmed

i've been waiting for so long
to touch you and sleep in your eyes
and now as my hearts beating so hard
hold on and keep you at home in my arms

they tried to console me
but you're all the consolation i ever needed
years of smelling the clothes you left behind
photographs that seemed so far away
i don't need them now
you turned to me
alive, awake, and blinking
baby back so soon you asked
but i smile cause i never left at all

i've been waiting for so long
to touch you and sleep in your eyes
and now as my hearts beating so hard
hold on and keep you at home in my arms

you check the clock it's time to go
you grab your keys &you're out the door
i step outside and you're waving goodbye
it's all happening again like before
as you're starting the car and i'm tearing inside
i knock on your window
you stop just in time
around to the other side
i say 'baby i thought i'd come along for the ride'

i've been waiting for so long (time slows and i take your hand)
to touch you and sleep in your eyes (i hold you as we loose control)
together our hearts beating so hard
hold on
baby we're almost home ...

The finale. Our time traveler is savoring being reunited with his bride. He almost doesn't believe it is all real. She begins to leave on the trip that will take her life and he isn't sure what to do, almost watching her leave. He stops her just in time only to come with her. They crash, and then die together.

I've really fallen in love with this album! Check it out if you want.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Weightloss time

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Sunday, May 31, 2009

La Grange Bible Church

For Emily's birthday, she wanted to go to church! Ever since we moved we've been in search of one to be our home-base. We visited the church closest to us, a block away, and were a little weirded out by it. Best way to described it was a Mafia church. All italian, only 20 people there, and in suits, big wide shouldered ushers, and they were all related somehow! They also cornered us on the way out since we were obvious newcomers. So she asked a friends of her's who has lived in the area if there were any other good churches around. Emily's friend recommended LGBCLa Grange Bible Church. It is about 15 minutes away (which really isn't far) and seem like a nice small church. We decided to go to the 8:15am service since Emily was worried a later service would eat away at the middle of our day. Well, right away I screwed things up a bit by causing us to be late... but luckily we hadn't missed anything. The second we sit down in the sanctuary, the worship leader speaking asks everyone to stand up and hug one another. Emily's eyes went wide and she whispered to me "I'm not comfortable with this!" in her typical silly way. We survived. The church band was good, even had a trumpet player. The pace of the songs seemed a bit slow though and I remember thinking that it was an older crowd. They don't want to overwhelm the older patrons with fast paced songs. Of course Emily says she has seen some pretty hoppin' old people in church before. The guy leading the singing I thought was the pastor: Ross Bacon. Wrong. He was just the worship leader but I liked him. He was very casual and had a kind of back yard footbal and burger grilling dad feel to him. Ross Bacon seemed to fit as a name too. But the real Ross Bacon came out and was nothing like I expected. He was basically Mr. Rogers with a Jesus addiction. He had a very soft and round face and was dressed in a suit. His hair was gray and it felt like he stressed things he talked about by speaking in an airy whisper. Don't get me wrong! He was a good pastor and was very passionate about his message, but the way he delivered it made Emily and I chuckle.

"What do you do or say when you don't know what to do or say?" he said is a very whispery voice. Pastor Bacon told a few local stories of tragedies like a mother being hit by a car a few blocks from the church, a man backing out of his drive way and running over his child, and a child who couldn't sleep and went for a late night bike ride just to be run over by an off-duty cop. When you go to the wake or the funeral, "what do you say or do if you don't know what to say or do?"

His answer came from the book of Job. Nothing. You do nothing. Just go an be with them. Like Job's three friends who ripped their clothes and poured dirt on their heads, they then sat with Job and no one spoke for 7 days. It's a good message. Pastor Bacon continued to talk about that if you are compelled to say anything, just say that, "you feel bad for them, and you love them, and that you're their for them." He repeated this phrase as well as the title phrase "what do you do..." multiple times and in the same whispery voice.

The pastor also talked about what happens if you do talk to those who are suffering and try to provide answers or anything else. He took from Job again as he described how God was made at Job's three friends for saying things that were untrue about God to Job.

It was good. Both Emily and I now are interested in looking more into Job again and we enjoyed ourselves. We didn't stand out too much and no one cornered us as we left. It had a lot of qualities that my old church in Battle Creek had, but we've decided to keep our eye out for other churches. We will probably go to this church until we find something else though, because there was nothing really wrong with this church. We're just looking for something younger. Emily also prefers a church that is more hoppin' like a pentecostal, while I would go for anything as long as I can truly identify with the pastor.

So, we continue the search for a church! But we're going to keep this one on our list!

La Grange Bible Church website

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Okay, so I am really stoked about the new film 9 by Shane Acker. I remember seeing his short film "9" that sparked the feature film. I think I saw it when I attended the 3rd Animation Show in Detroit. Anyways, after seeing two trailers I've become very interested in the film.

Please view them for yourself:

Trailer 1
Trailer 2

The trailers are very good. I love the music in them and the imagery shown is very graphic, showing some of the characters being drained of their life. I love it. It's going to be hard waiting until September to see this movie, but I will definitely be going to see it in the theater.

Check out production drawings, storyboards and an interview with director Shane Acker here: Interview

Also check out Shane Acker's site.

The original short has become very hard to find and I am hoping that when the feature 9 is released on DVD the short will be included.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


My day started late after my wife and I overslept. After dropping her off at work, I headed to Aldi to get some cheap groceries. We have to cut back on costs due to unforeseen circumstances that caused a necessary and expensive purchase. Well, I made out good, spending only $50 on groceries that normally cost us $100 at our preferred market: Meijer. Proud of my cheap spoils of supermarket war, I headed home. I wasn't inside my apartment very long before I heard a commotion going on outside of my balcony. Two boys were fighting. Maybe I shouldn't say boys, how about teenagers. Two teenage boys were fighting below my balcony right outside the door of the building with a crowd of other teenagers watching them. Some yelled out as if coaching the boys how they should fight. Now I had just come through that door to come upstairs to my apartment, and I need to go back down to get more from the car. But I wasn't going down there while they were causing a scene. So I called Security. Last time I had called, they took they're time before appearing at the scene. It may have been because I called the apartment offices rather that the security's direct line. But this time, they were fast as a bullet. A black Mercury Marauder came peeling down the parking lot and screeched to a stop outside of my apartment. The teenagers standing around the door yelled "Cops!" and took off into the building. This I was surprised of. I was thinking the guards would come walking down on foot and yell for the boys to stop fighting, the boys would disband and that would be that. But these boys ran! Maybe something more was going on that I wasn't aware of, but the security guards pursued the boys into the building. About ten minutes later, the guards returned with no one and I heard them call over their walkies that the boys had run and they lost them in the building. Sad day. I kinda wanted to see those kids disciplined. Especially if they feel the need to run from authority.
Now since no one had been caught, I was still apprehensive about going out to my car, since those boys may have been skulking around still, but after about an hours wait and no sign of them, I headed out to retrieve the rest of my groceries. I bring the last bags inside and decide to go back out and clean off a grease smudge on the inside windshield of the car. Just as I head back outside, those boys come strolling back to the building door. I pass them as I head to my car and hope they don't know that I was the one who called on them. I get in my car, and do a few contradictory things, trying to decide whether to call security again from the car, drive away and call, or go back up to the apartment and call. Well they looked as if they didn't actually have a key to the building, and were probably waiting for someone to let them inside. I didn't want to do that so I drove around the parking lot and gave security a call. I got an answering machine. An answering machine!? How does that help me? I understand they may be out helping someone else, but there should still be someone to always take calls! Well, by the time I returned to the building they were gone. I assume someone else had let them inside and they were probably inside an apartment of someone they knew here.


I definitely didn't want to tells this guys to skiddaddle myself and cause my apartment, vehicle, and wife to become the target of any trouble. I just want to live in peace with out stupid teenage hoods looming over everything.

They day we returned home from visiting family, there were gunshots in the distance. I've lived in the country, and I know what that sound is. I know the difference between a firing engine and a gunshot. I also know that I heard that gun fired a few times that night.

I only wish people were so stupid. Honestly, it is the culture here. People are raised to think all this shit is normal. Call me prejudice/racist/whatever. I know this to be true. I wish something would slap some sense into people here. I wish I could slap them and smack some sense into their think skulls.

The only power I have is to pray. God knows. I leave them to him.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Missed KAFI again...

Another year of KAFI has gone by and I have missed it. It's really aggravating. I've known about KAFI since 2003 and have missed the last 4 times it's been held (2003, 2005, 2007, & 2009). Here I am trying to go into animation and be a 'student to-beat' and I don't even make it to the big animation bash for the central US. Anyways, I have to wait another two years before the next KAFI and I may have graduated by then. I'll just need to dive into my studies and not worry about it.
I guess one of the biggest let downs was that I missed meeting up with Jim Middleton. I was really excited to see one of his programs. I guess that's what I get for living so far away from home. Money is also tight, so I am not even sure how much I would get to see at KAFI if I had made it.

When I was able to do this weekend is make it to Manifest, which really was lame due to the rain. I didn't really seek much out, but a lot of the outdoor events had been canceled. But what was really fun was the animation premiere for the APS films at Columbia. It was exciting to see those student's hard work projected on the big screen and many of the animation students in the audience felt excited for them since they're waiting for there chance to be in APS. It was spectacular. There were two films to be shown from this year's APS and a lieca reel for next semester's class. The two films were 'HEAD IN THE CLOUDS' and 'OFF THE WALL'. The posters for these film had been posted on the animation dept. floor for about a month beforehand and generated some excitement about the films. The one expected to excel was HEAD IN THE CLOUDS. The poster for that film was just excellent with a great sense of longing as a boy looks into the distant sky. At the premiere it was a very different story. Head it the clouds was.... 'alright'. The computer animation lacked a solid definition and it felt like they used it too often and for items that could have been drawn backgrounds with camera pans. The main character was drawn in 2D animation and was not very fluid, like he was drawn on 4's or 6's. But it was cute in the end. The real star of the show was OFF THE WALL. It had very little appeal with a typical computer animated boy in dinosaur pajamas and a 2D animated monster. Visually it was noting new and lacked a definitive style like HEAD IN THE CLOUDS carried. But the film itself was excellent. The computer animation was well defined and the lighting of the film was superb. The editing and shot composition was also very good. The 2D animated shadow monster was also animated well with smooth timing on 1's or 2's. The story was also very entertaining and funny. It may not have been excessively original, but it was entertaining and the best thing to come out of APS so far! It's the new 'ONE TO BEAT'.

I'm gonna beat it.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Wrap-up & KAFI Let Down

Okay, I am basically finished with school, save for a class this Thursday, but I am already overjoyed about my free time! I am also stoked about KAFI this upcoming weekend. It is so nice to have a home right next door to Kazoo. Before this weekend, I plan to set up a tentative working schedule for this summer. I still have to get Emily's work schedule so I can tailor mine around hers. I am excited! I am really optimistic that I will get something done this summer! Even if it is a worthless failure of a film, I will have finished something and hopefully learned a lot while making it.

First on the itinerary is to finish building my website, . This way I can do some commissions for side money over the summer as well. The website will be both a place I can offer my services as an artist and a place to view my portfolio.

Well, I am a bit bummed since my time at KAFI is looking skim. My step-brother's wedding is this Saturday, same as KAFI, and is almost 2 hours away from the festival. I may not be able to come to the Friday events at all since my wife does not get out from work until 11 pm that night, and then we have the 3 hours drive to MI. We also need to leave for Illinois early on Sunday to get my wife back to work at 3 pm. I really hope that I will at least get to see a panel by Jim Middleton, my KCC animation instructor and friendly local pharmacist! I saw he was doing 2 panels related to Winsor McCay. I would love to see them, but one is on Friday and the other is on Saturday while I will be at the wedding. I am hoping to catch his 3rd event, Animated Beastiary, on Sunday before we have to leave. I already know I won't be able to catch Columbia's animation director Barry Young's panel.

::sigh:: At least I will have fun at the wedding! I hope Bobby and Jan like the gifts Emily and I bought.

So far my grade outlook for the Spring 2009 semester is as follows:

ANIMATION HISTORY: Unknown, predicting a B

The B grade in Animation history comes from a lack of physical assignments in class. We had 2 papers to write and a single pop quiz/paper. The Midterm Exam I passed with colors and I feel I did well on the Final as well, but my first paper was a B grade and my final I am afraid will follow suit. I am not even sure what I received on my popquiz/paper.

Otherwise, I am pleasantly content with my grades. Brandon Doherty, the instructor for Animation History, has a me a little on edge after saying that I had a huge load for next semester with 3 animation production classes. "Budget your time," he said and I am going to take it to heart!

It is strange to realize I am not a retail clerk anymore and that I AM an artist beginning his career. It's kind of a "WOW, I am actually doing this now!" moment.

Well... Here's to change. Cheers.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Jobless = Motivation?

Well the deed is done. I am no longer employed. As of today I am a bum. I have to concentrate on my last few weeks of college and then summer will arrive. I will have more time than I have ever had before to work on my artwork and animations. I will also be more available to my wife!

Procrastination you say?

Well this summer is like a beta test. I need to prove to myself I can make this work by budgeting my time and keeping myself motivated. I have improved my organization and time management a lot since my last semester at Kellogg Community College. So now is my time to makes this summer work for me and study, practice drawing, spend time with my wife, and complete some artwork. My goal is to be able to post something onto my Deviant Art everyday throughout the summer. Whether it goes into my scraps folder or is a nice polished piece in my deviations, I want something to be uploaded everyday.

If I take any commissions for charcoal portraits or other, my goal is to finish them in 1 week. I also want to venture around town and do some drawing studies at least twice a week.

A lot of what I'll be able to do and get done, depends on Emily's work schedule. I want to be available for her and take more responsibilities away from her during this summer. When she's at work, I'll be at work... but still at home. I'd like for her and I to venture downtown more together. There is so much that I still haven't seen and I want to experience it all with her there.

Alright, time to split. I need to finish an animation project and write a research paper... ::unenthusiastic 'yay'::

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Excerpt from the Evangelion Kaibunsho

In February 1997, an anonymous document circulated through Japanese anime bulletin boards and internet chat rooms. This nearly 40KB text-only document written under the pseudonym "Hiiro Yui", a self-professed "[anime] industry dropout", claimed to expose various behind-the-scenes secrets surrounding the Evangelion TV airing, Director Anno, Okada Toshio (Gainax founding member), and other Gainax/Eva related matters that had thus far circulated only as rumors among industry people and otaku "in the know". This document, which came to be known as the Evangelion kaibunsho*, quickly disappeared from the bulletin boards and chat rooms, but copies had been made and the document was also posted anonymously to several prominent Eva-related websites, so it saw widespread exposure. The "Eva boom" now past, most of these websites no longer exist, and the document can currently be found only at a few forgotten web pages and mirror sites. (Links to the complete original Japanese text and English translations of relevant parts can be found below.)

It is important to note that although this document was the first to openly state much of the information, it was not the original source of the rumors, and while some minor errors can be found (i.e. Anno's roles in "Nadia" production), much of the information corroborates with other sources. Some sections are irrelevant or uninteresting, others typical of a rant, and the overall tone tends to be that of a personal grudge against Director Anno, Toshio Okada and the anime industry in general. However, for reasons of accuracy and completeness these parts have been left uncensored and intact. We apologize if these sections offend readers, and ask that readers instead keep in mind the fact that this document claiming to expose insider(?) information circulated widely through Japanese fan circles for a period of time.

* Kaibunsho = Lit.: Mysterious/subversive/defamatory document. Generally an insider expose written for reasons of spite, a grudge or other resentment, but also sometimes out of a desire to expose the truth and/or draw attention to an injustice.

Evangelion Kaibunsho Text - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rant Rant Rant...
SECTION.02 • About Director Anno

- Part1: His past

Anno made some patronizing statement in Newtype magazine to the effect that “(Evangelion was) a message for anime otaku who tend to stay cooped up in their rooms.” In light of that and upon reflection of Anno’s past, I would like to take the liberty of evaluating his current comments and ideology. (laugh)

The [anime] industry chapter of Hideaki Anno’s otaku life starts with his expulsion from the Osaka University of Arts for ignoring his studies and pursuing a lifestyle that focused exclusively on otaku activities. Several of the people currently serving as key personnel at Gainax were among the friends expelled along with him at that time. Anno met Okada Toshio at the Osaka SF Convention (this story is told in detail later), and thereafter Anno piggybacked on Okada as he alternately joined and left General Products (Japan’s first specialty SF shop) and took various jobs such as genga sketch artist for the latter stages of Macross. After that, perhaps because his high-tension drawing was highly regarded, Anno was suddenly invited to work on Miyazaki Hayao’s cinematic anime “Nausicaa of the valley of the wind”. This is the scene where the kyojinhei (giant god warrior) breathes fire. According to interviews, Anno seems to have had various opinions concerning Miyazaki Hayao, Studio Ghibli and the current state of the anime industry at that time, but these all came about afterwards. (laugh) But one thing that can be said is that Miyazaki Hayao would have nothing to do with him after “Nausicaa”, and that he was out of luck until gaining a position at Gainax. Basically, he holds a grudge because “he was not treated fairly in consideration of his accomplishments.” (laugh)

(This entire post was copied from

Friday, April 3, 2009

My Birthday Wish List

Okay, here's a rough list of what I want for my birthday!!! I don't expect to get EVERYTHING on this list, this is just what I have been wanting lately. Most of these items have links to what I am talking about!

1. Groundwork of Evangelion 1.0 (You Are Not Alone)
2. The Illusion of Life (book)
3. WebCam
4. Writing for Animation (book)
5. Animation Lightbox for 12field bond paper
6. More table space!!!
7. Figure In Motion (book)
8. Bike!?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Village Politics

Either yesterday or today, my wife and I received an orange newsletter in the mail from the "Village Voice Party". I knew some election was going on so I assume it is for village government positions. I decided to read it today. The letter itself is very professional in design and content which led me to believe that it was some 'junk' mail. To my surprise it was directly and exclusively for the citizens of Justice, IL. I had never considered that villages and towns would harbor their own political parties. As I read further into the literature, it discussed the problems with its rival party, the Peoples Voice Party. No apostrophe. It seemed very well research and presented the information clearly and convincingly. It spoke about the disappointments of every elected official currently on the board from he Mayor to his webmaster/photographer who they pinned as some sort of minion to the mayor. I checked out the Village Voice Party website and it even had youtube videos of a trustee's son illegally dumping garbage. Typically political shit throwing contest. Anyways, I went to JJ's Fish a Chicken, a restaurant within walking distance of my apartment, and guess who walks in. The Mayor. His photographer/webmaster and it looked like another trustee or two. The walked in with fliers and cards in hand to support their campaign. This was hilarious to me. I have not had a single interest into the local politics until reading the orange Village Voice Party letter. They slumped around in the restaurant as they ordered and sat down at a far table. The webmaster/photographer sat next to me, first asking if it was okay to sit. I was only waiting for my food to go, so I didn't protest. After a small bit of chitchat about food, somehow the upcoming village election became the topic of discussion. He stated that the man at the far table was the mayor, in which I replied that I knew it from a poster in the restaurant displaying his portrait. The webmaster/photographer continued to talk-up the mayor saying he has done a lot in the past few years, but not mentioning anything specific. I wondered if I should bring up that I've seen the orange literature being sent around just to see what he'd say about it, but I also wanted to get out of their in a timely matter so I kept quiet. He then asked if I was registered and Heck'f I know. He started to tell me how to get registered and do an absentee ballot since I may not make it for the actual polling when my food was up to grab. I shook his hand and smiled. As I walked out of the door to the restaurant I wanted to bust out laughing. I am not sure if this means I should vote or if God's just throwing me a few laughs. Still it was a very interesting encounter and my initial reaction is I favor the Village Voice Party which is being called "Orange Madness" by the Mayor's party website.

Ah, politics.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Who Watches the Watchmen?

I finally finished reading the WATCHMEN Graphic Novel. I guess my overall opinion is that I liked it. There were a few snags for me though that kept it from being truly awesome. While it was very intellectual, it was also very wordy. In some points I had to skim read through certain parts because it broke up the action too much. I haven't done that since a Ken Akamatsu manga. Wordy stuff. It was also emotionally dull. There were some moments that should be heart-wrenching, but the panel template that is used for most of the novel smothers the emotion. When the panels do open up or do anything dramatic, it is for scenes of action or panoramic visuals. Finally, the end seemed anti-climactic. It was a big band of a climax alright, but it too seemed stifled. The characters were excellent. I found myself liking Rorschach the most. The feeling of reunited characters and reestablished roles was very good. There was a lot of foreshadowing and analogy that was also well done. Extremely political and there is no question it does not support the idea of God. What the book did do, really well, was scare the crap out of me about war and humanity. I suppose that was the book's main purpose and it accomplished that.

Good read. Heavy on wordage and light on emotion conveyance. Forcefully sends message.

Now after seeing the movie, I must say there is a lot of slander being said about it that is exaggerated. Mainly people are saying it is a "soft-core porn" and not to go see it. First off, many may be put off by Dr. Manhattan's display of his genitals. I was interested to see how the filmmakers would edit it into the movie. Nudity in American films has been very skewed in a single direction. Woman have been appearing nude in films for years while men have been labeled as taboo when nude in films. This may be because of the intended audience being mostly males between 16-35 years old. Males don't want to see other males nude and Hollywood wants to get the most bucks back as possible so they stick to crowd pleasing. Not only was showing Dr M's genitalia staying in sync with the graphic novel, it was venturing away from deliberate covering, or trying to obviously not show his genitals. What was show is very tasteful and not offensive. The other end of the soft-core porn gossip is the sex scene between Silk Spectre and Night Owl. This may have been a bit of a "fan-service" moment and it did last a bit longer than I would have wanted, but it was the eventual hook up between two people who had obviously felt for each other long before that point in time. Not only did they just give in to their desires to become masked adventurers, but they were giving into their passions and finally letting go of everything that was holding them back. It is quite a pivotal moment and I can understand why the director chose to highlight the scene.
The other thing being said about the movie is that it is excessively violent. What I have to say to that is, well so was the graphic novel. It had a point to say about the inner workings of human nature. We are violent. Not to show this violence in the movie would make it awkward and obvious that it was trying not to offend people.

Some of the problems in the book were still apparent in the movie. It was emotionally stifling. I have now come to the conclusion that it was not the panel layout of the book or the fault of bad timing, but a consequence of a grand story. Watchmen has a huge point to make on a world wide scale. The problems of these few are shrunken by the scope of the story, making the heart-wrenching moments less emotional and more frivolous. I wanted to be more shocked by Laurie's discovery of her true father, or when a favored character is killed when he is in the right. But these moments are less impacting since the entire world is experiencing trauma and death. The story makes humankind look like a parasite or virus.

Overall I enjoyed the movie. It was surprisingly exact to the book at times. It was also interesting to see how certain things were understandably omitted and stitched back together to make everything fit. Go see it in the theater. ALWAYS see a movie like this at the theater. Even a 52" plasma with a great surround sound system will not emulate the classic movie theater experience.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


So yesterday, while Emily was at work, I decided to take a walk. The temperature was in the sixties, and I just couldn't pass up such a beautiful day sitting inside doing nothing. Emily and I had walked to a nearby forest preserve park the other day and I decided to do it again. Well, what took us about forty five minutes to do last time, I walked in fifteen minutes. Trails weave in and out of the parks, connecting them throughout the southwest Chicago suburbs. So, I decided to keep going and followed one of these trails. I ended up and the Hidden Pond Park which is a lot farther than I had expected to go. By now it was six o'clock and I had been walking for a half hour. I did not know if I should head home yet or not... so I just kept walking. I departed from the trail, knowing it would only take me further south and away from home, and ended up on 95th street. At this point I could have turned down Kean Avenue and gotten home in about twenty minutes, but instead I kept walking down 95th. I eventually walked to Cork Avenue, which would take me straight back to my apartment in ten minutes. I still did not feel like going back and kept walking. I walked to Roberts Road, which is a mile east of my apartments, and stopped at a gas station for a bottle of water. After a moment of reflection I decided to head back. I knew I still had roughly two miles of walking to do, since i would have one mile to walk north of Robert's and one mile to walk west on 87th Street. This section of my walk was the most interesting.

View Larger Map

Two hours and 6.3 miles of walking.

I started seeing all the restaurants and shops on Robert's road up close and realized that Hickory Hills is a small area. While I knew it wasn't very large, like most the towns scattered through this area, it still seemed large to me. It was intimidating, impersonal, and foreign. Until my walk yesterday. After experiencing the area first hand, and not through the glass windows of my car, my understanding of the area changed. It became personal. It became real. Sometimes when we see things from inside of our cars or through plates of glass, things are less tangible and almost 'displayed' like we're watching a television screen. But when you right next to something and there is nothing but air between you and it, stuff becomes permanent and tangible. Now I know why people like convertables so much. Things are just different when viewed through glass.
For a while now we've felt like bad stuff just lurks in the inside workings of the area. But after my walk, just seeing normal people out and about and doing the same thing I was doing, the fear was gone. In a way I now owned the area. It was mine. Maybe not legally, but emotionally I had conquered it and made it my own. I known that people are territorial, not in the sense of gang territory, but people do have their 'stomping grounds'. My old stomping grounds were Bellevue and Battle Creek. Those places were personal to me. I owned them. But I can't be there now. Emily and I have been confined, voluntarily, to our apartment for most of the year that we've lived here. So getting out into the area and expanding my knowledge and emotional attachment was exhilarating. We may not own our apartment, but we feel like it is ours. We own it emotionally. And until yesterday it, and our workplaces, were all that we owned. I've felt very claustrophobic out here. Yesterday helped to ease that. I've never considered the grassy areas of our apartment to be any sort of personal lawn, but yesterday I did. When I finally got home from my walk I sat down on the stairs out from of the building and just rested. Those were my steps, this was my apartment complex, and this was my town.

I owned it.

Yes, I understand we live in Justice, but that is really only a technicaliy. We live in the absolute most southwest corner of Justice. LITERALLY, across the street of our apartment complex is Hickory Hills. Their Police Department is kiddy corner to us. It is the area that I consider our area over the northern Justice area.

Anyways, I am excited to be able to take Emily out on a walk like this. I don't know if my reaction is a male domination thing or whatever. I just know I see things differently now. This town is not as impersonal anymore. There is still a lot for me to learn and discover, but I don't feel like I am a guest anymore. I feel like a neighbor. I live here now.

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